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kadharononWe're not going anywhere for Christmas, despite it being one of the longer holiday breaks that Ben gets based on the school schedule... and I am so goddamn relieved. In part because I hate travel So Much, but also...
But also because if we go visit my family, we have to deal with me being overstimulated and trying to cope with the whole "yes my parents were shitty parents and kind of abusive in these ways but now that I'm an adult things are much better but there's still that history, you know" thing, and also the fact that it's been almost a decade since my sister died and they still have not touched her bedroom. Also, almost the entire rest of the house is an episode of Hoarders and therefore Ben and I feel compelled to, like, spend days turfing out old magazines and other shit that my parents haven't touched in years to decades and don't have any use for, just in the hope of making some progress so that when, inevitably, my parents reach the age where they can't live on their own any more, I'm not left dealing with that mess, because goodness knows my little brother is going to be useless there.
And if we go visit Ben's family... well, his parents are lovely people, but they seem to get... anxious? That they're not providing enough, I dunno, enrichment activities for the pair of us. I'm perfectly happy to hang out with Ben's niblings and watch movies and sit on the couch and do nothing! Honest! I promise! I'm not hiding secret resentment about there being nothing much going on! But that makes me anxious in turn.
So I'm going to spend the next two weeks working out of my boss's basement instead of traveling and also writing a bunch of fanfic and maybe picking away a bit more at the trashy vampire romance novel that started as a fanfic AU until I realized the serial numbers were almost nonexistent and maybe I should just accept that I was actually writing regular romantic fiction with it and finish filing those serial numbers off.
But also because if we go visit my family, we have to deal with me being overstimulated and trying to cope with the whole "yes my parents were shitty parents and kind of abusive in these ways but now that I'm an adult things are much better but there's still that history, you know" thing, and also the fact that it's been almost a decade since my sister died and they still have not touched her bedroom. Also, almost the entire rest of the house is an episode of Hoarders and therefore Ben and I feel compelled to, like, spend days turfing out old magazines and other shit that my parents haven't touched in years to decades and don't have any use for, just in the hope of making some progress so that when, inevitably, my parents reach the age where they can't live on their own any more, I'm not left dealing with that mess, because goodness knows my little brother is going to be useless there.
And if we go visit Ben's family... well, his parents are lovely people, but they seem to get... anxious? That they're not providing enough, I dunno, enrichment activities for the pair of us. I'm perfectly happy to hang out with Ben's niblings and watch movies and sit on the couch and do nothing! Honest! I promise! I'm not hiding secret resentment about there being nothing much going on! But that makes me anxious in turn.
So I'm going to spend the next two weeks working out of my boss's basement instead of traveling and also writing a bunch of fanfic and maybe picking away a bit more at the trashy vampire romance novel that started as a fanfic AU until I realized the serial numbers were almost nonexistent and maybe I should just accept that I was actually writing regular romantic fiction with it and finish filing those serial numbers off.
